04/26/2024
So, it's been a while.
The explanation is a bit much, to be honest.
Do you remember way back when I said you can have two bad things going on at the same time? Well, in December of last year, my brain damaged self was diagnosed with cancer.
Now, it was caught incredibly early, so level one, stage one, and the treatment was removing the involved body part and all associated organs. That was done, and they are pretty certain they got it all. It had not spread to any lymph nodes. Essentially, I got off very easy. The reason? An unrelated CT scan.
To sum up, they caught my cancer very early, by accident. Or, one might say, providence had a hand.
I can't really deny providence at this point. I can't sit there and say with any sincerity that I am incredibly lucky. I do believe I have some kind of divine helping hand in all of this. I just kind of feel it.
Sure, one could look at all of this and say, what the heck? You had a hell of a time getting pregnant with your second child, developed a debilitating migraine disorder at the end of that pregnancy, navigated your life in brain pain for 8 years, then had a surprise stroke with no discernible cause. THEN you wound up with cancer?! How is that positive in any way?
Well, neither one of those things killed me.
I’m still here, as annoyed and borderline apathetic as ever. I get to live, still. Not everyone gets that chance in life’s choose-your-own-adventure story.
I did, though. So it makes no sense to be depressed about the state of my life. I’m still here.
My problems aren't over. There's something weird going on with another set of organs that I have, and we're looking into that next.
Do I feel like the universe has it out for me? Do I feel like I must have done something terrible to deserve this? Do I feel like the world wants me to die?
No.
I feel like the warranty on my body has run out. So, I need to change some parts out and get rid of others to make things work properly.
That's it.
I did briefly search my past to see if I had anything that might have given me a bit of a karmic debt, but that's not it. It's just how things work, sometimes.
Even having some other weirdness coming up, I don't feel picked on, I'm not angry, I'm not fearful. I hope things work out for the best, of course, who wouldn't? But the thought of all of this doesn’t concern me all that much. It's like my husband has said a few times now, when I do get into the ‘what if’ of all of it.
He says “Then we'll deal with that, too.” And we will.
I know there are many things that could be the end of me, but why worry about them before they may, or may not happen? There's no sense in that. It’ll just upset you, and distress those around you.
I’m not saying to keep your fears to yourself. By all means, talk all that out. You need to live your life while dealing with the issues, though. While you wait for one thing or another, do one thing or another. There's a lot of waiting in all of this, I've found out, and hence, more time than you think you'd have to just get out and do something. Or stay in and do something. Whatever you need to do.
As usual, you don't have to do what I do, or what I say. We all find our own ways to deal with whatever comes at us. Maybe just remember that you may be stronger than you think.
