Reality Drives Me

 Another fortnight has passed, so here I am again. 

This week has been a bit rough. 

Not in any tragic ways, but just in ways. First, and on a good note, part of my family is now done with their taxes. Huzzah.

It's not me and my husband though, so, frowny face. 

On our way home after getting aforementioned taxes all set, we were close to home when my husband said "don't you dare" kind of under his breath. Then, a deer ran into the front left side of our car. 

I haven't mentioned that this car, in particular, has not been in our possession for a full year yet. 

This means two things, first, we unfortunately have to have a pretty pricey bunch on insurance on it. Second, we fortunately have a pretty pricey bunch of insurance on it. 

After the initial wtf moment and our complaining bitterly about our crap luck, we looked at it, saw the damage, reported it to the insurance, and got the estimate on what it would take to fix (we're at least looking at a new fender, likely a new drivers side door, and a new headlight cover) which came in at over $1k. 

Our deductible is $250. 

This is kind of incredible, considering our luck over the past 6 years or so. 

So it's fixable, we don't have to pay nearly as much as we could, which is a relief. 

Sadly, I haven't actually driven our car, yet.  I don't have a valid license at the moment, though I'm working on getting to the point when I can re-test for it. I can get my permit any time now, and then study and test within the next year. 

Some people are likely reading this and thinking "wow, that kind of sucks, but worked out for the best." They're right on both counts. 

Some might me thinking, "wow, I wouldn't mind not having to drive. That must be awesome!" 

And, they well might love it. It isn't awesome for me.

It's a huge pain, actually. 

I understand why. My vision is messed up from the stroke and for other reasons. I'm nearsighted because my brain no longer compensates for that. I'm farsighted because I'm over 40. And I have a visual issue from the stroke which requires I wear prism glasses. 

So, I can't safely just go and drive. I need to retest so they know what's up. 

Here's the kicker, though. I only got my original license when I was 28 years old. 

So, I might be feeling just the littlest bit sorry for myself. 

I honestly try not to. Self pity has no place in a realist existence. When you live in the reality you have to inhabit, you have a tendency to just accept life. I've accepted many things over the past 4 years or so, and I've honestly been better for it. 

One of the first things I accepted as reality was that I was likely never going to drive again. I was sad, but driving at that time for me made no practical sense. I had terrible short term memory, was dizzy constantly, and couldn't see well at all. 

Over time, of course, things changed. First off, I got glasses. They helped with the nearsightedness, at least. Then, my memory started to noticably improve. Not perfect, but way better than it had been. Next on the list was me going to therapy for three days per week instead of 1 1/2. That was a major help, which helped my memory to improve more, helped me to be able to focus better and start to multitask again. About a year after I got the first pair of glasses, I got my prism glasses. That turned my whole world around, because I wasn't seeing two to three of everything anymore. At that point, I started thinking that driving might be something I could work on. 

So, we started pre-driving exercises at therapy, with OT. With OT, I work on the multitasking I mentioned above, and in all sorts of ways. Now that I can get my permit, I'll be able to take driving lessons at the rehab place through one of their contacts. 

And there we have it, I eventually get my driver's license back. 

That's not a short paragraph, though, is it? There a lot of steps. There's a lot of work. It's just a whole lot of stuff, honestly. 

Some might get angry if faced with this. Some might just decide they're going to drive anyway, and there's nothing anyone else can do to stop them. 

I'm not one of those people. 

I know it's work. But I've worked on so many things already, it's really just one more step. I've had to work on some pretty simple things, things I remember and things I don't remember. I've had to work on relearning how to go to the bathroom properly and I've had to relearn how to properly cook. I've had to relearn how to breathe on my own and I've had to relearn how to grocery shop successfully. 

I've also had to relearn humaning skills, such as how not to be boring, how not to overshare, how not to overreact and how to listen properly. 

I've had a veritable third college experience of remembering how to be me. It's been a lot of work.

So, again in reality, where I live, driving is just one more thing to relearn. There's nothing to feel sorry for myself for. 

I've always thought I was more of a scholar than a professional, this just proves it. I'm honestly happiest when I'm learning something. This has just given me the opportunity to learn more. So, though I had to go through something pretty horrendous to get to it, I'm kind of where I would have preferred to be in the first place. I'm learning things. 

I feel like it's kind of a reward, almost. The universe saying, "oh man. I'm so sorry. Didn't want to do that, really, but it was all I could think of. So here, have a semblance of the life you kind of wanted in the first place."

It's not the worst tradeoff I've ever been offered. Not even the first offer I've ever been forced to take. 

Huh, look at that. You can be a realist and an optimist at the same time. Who knew?