Annoyance

Today, I’m irritated.

We get used to certain things as we have as adults. Most of us are able to plan our weeks, plan our meals, plan our recreation, plan for work…. But now I can't. 

I don't drive by myself, so I have to use other options. Some of you may know how irritating it is to have to rely on others for your transportation. It's inconvenient and can really suck. You're stuck at the whims of another person's life or scheduling. You can't just up and get somewhere if you need to. What's important to you, necessary to you, isn't important or necessary to those who schedule or provide your rides. This means that things get messed up. 

For instance, a couple of weeks ago, I was left at a hospital after the hospital changed my appointment time, which obviously affected when I got out. I was going to be a half hour later than I'd scheduled. I called the company that oversees my rides, and they got me mixed up with someone else, apparently telling their driver they were going to be late. So my driver was never told, got there, waited 10 minutes for me and then left. 

The hospital I was at is about a half hour from my home, so it was a little too far to walk. My husband was at work about an hour away, so it was going to be a bit before he was able to pick me up. We worked that out, and he got reimbursed for driving me home, but not for the time it took him to get to where I was from work. 

Recently, I scheduled a ride from my house to another Orthopedics appointment, and then to therapy later that day. They denied it because I didn't schedule my ride home, even though I have a standing order in their system. 

See? Annoying. 

A little over 5 ½ years ago, I would have driven myself to my appointment, driven myself to my next activity for the day, then driven home. I can't do that anymore, I don't have a car and I don't have a very good memory. I do have a license, which is great, of course. It was a huge accomplishment for me, but not being able to get myself to some places is irritating. I can't be independent, and sometimes I can't even go where I need to go. 

All because of the stupid stroke. Honestly it's messed up my life a lot. I’ve lost a lot of ground with it. I mean, not having the migraines is definitely worth it, but I still get uselessly angry at how things have to be now.

Maybe it will improve. Maybe we'll go on another vacation. Maybe we'll even win the lottery. All of those things seem equally far fetched at the moment, however. 

So I'm stuck. I’ve been stuck a lot, it's not a new thing, but it's really annoying just the same. 

All I can do is try to pull myself out of this funk, and I will. Eventually. Time I've got. I just don't have a lot of ways to deal with it.