"Don't you wish you could remember your event?"

 I reached out to a friend for this one. Frankly, I'm pretty shocked that someone would actually say this, but it takes all kinds, I guess.

So. What's problematic about this speculative question?

Well, I mean, would you want to remember what was likely the worst day of your life? Because I'm pretty happy I don't. Most of us don't remember it clearly, as the human brain has a good system of shut-offs for ridiculously traumatic injuries. Not all of the brains, of course, but a lot of us don't remember the exact moment, or even day, of our brain injuries.

What I can't understand, is why would you think someone wants to remember that? For the why of it? Or to satisfy your own curiosity? It's kind of like saying to someone who just lost a pet, "Hey, give me a play by play of the day your dog was run over by a Mac truck." Who does that? (Side note, I know some people do, out of a combination of lack of inner censor and a lack of ability to read the room.) If the statement in quotes bothers you, then you can imagine how it makes the person being asked feel.

As I've mentioned, due to my injury, I don't remember the better part of about 6 months. There are flashes of things, like when you look through a kaleidoscope and can see random flashes of pink when you turn the barrel. Mostly, they're not visible and only flit by. That's what my memories of those six months are like.

Do I want to remember the event that turned my life upside down? 

Not really, no. I try to be a very put together, private person, always have in my adult life. I already know about things from that day that cause me great embarrassment. I know they shouldn't, but they do. I'm embarrassed that I apparently projectile vomited in the parking lot of the building I was in when I knew I needed to go to the ER. I'm also terribly embarrassed that I was screaming while in the CT scan. Do I understand that these things were out of my control? Yes. Does that make me less embarrassed? Not a bit. 

Being in an accident, having a stroke of any kind, being beaten or however else a person got their injury can be a sensitive topic. Unfortunately, some people are very willing to wade through the other person's discomfort to get at the very least a reason, and at the other end of it, a blow by blow description.

We have to give these types of descriptions to doctors, therapists, specialists and usually some family members. We don't want to have to trot it out for anyone else.

It feels almost the same as it does for me to have to explain how I'm still disabled periodically. It's been averaging about once per year. I hate doing that. I have to tell someone all of the things that don't work with my brain, or in my brain. This particular process depresses me for days after. 

I know that at some point, if I want to get into public speaking, I'm going to have to rehash it often, but that's my choice. I can make the decision that I want to share my story. I've already made that decision by writing this blog. When someone asks a question like that one, though, they take that decision away. They know that the asker is expecting an answer, and they are expected to provide it. This puts them in a pretty nasty position. Should they tell them? Or should they try to politely refuse, possibly causing a scene to be made? 

Maybe the better solution to asking and answering this question would be to approach it from the outside. For example, looking it up online or reading through one of many books on the market about peoples' brain injury experiences. That would get one's curiosity sated, as well as let another person be more at ease in a conversation. 

Just food for thought.