What should I say?

 So, we've covered some things not to say to a person with a brain injury, but what is a good thing to say?

Otherwise known as "how do I not upset my friend/relative/acquaintance?"

It's not too difficult, I promise.

When they first hear of the injury, people are usually pretty good. They'll say things like "I'm sorry," and "that must be very difficult," or maybe "what do you need?" Afterward, things can fall apart a bit. People may kind of file away the information, as the immediate issue has passed, or they may assume that, like most of the rest of the health issues people face, recovery is imminent, and they don't need any more help.

This is usually far from the truth. Brain injury, as I have likely mentioned, is a rest-of-your-life kind of thing. It doesn't go away or heal itself up. There are a lot of things we can do to rebuild our brains, of course, but in many instances, the effects are always there, we just learn to deal with them. This means that "what do you need" question can be asked over and over again.

I'm a bit over five years out with mine, and I still have days where, like today, I feel some weird after effects. Today brought me an experience I can only describe as feeling like the processing speed of everything that had to do with the left side of my body was happening in another time zone, which was an hour behind. Not all of our feelings make the most sense, but there it is.

Sometimes we can't just make our brains work properly, and things like this can happen. It makes functioning a bit more difficult. It could cause us to change plans we made, or call off of an activity. It could even cause a day where there's nothing for it but to go back to bed, putting everything off until tomorrow. 

What I mean to say is that we will definitely have days where we need help. I need help pretty regularly, and I have a supportive family. Some of us don't have that, and that is where friends can come in.

For example, if someone should call off a planned shopping trip or afternoon out, gently ask them why, and if they have something they need help with instead. It may not be anything like you have planned, but it could still mean spending some time with them, which could help, and will definitely mean they get some outside contact on what is likely not a good day for them. 

You could offer to pick up the lunch they had to cancel and have it at their house. If that doesn't work, you could let them know you'll bring a lunch over instead. You'd made plans, after all, and if they're not able to go, you likely still have the time freed up. 

I'm blessed enough to have friends like this. It helps. They make sure I get out sometimes and see a different place than my house. They make sure I can have a bit of fun once in a while. And, as is known, fun is fun! It's something to look forward to, something that breaks up the every day drudgery. Even if we don't work a repetitive or boring job anymore, we likely still want to do things. Could be anything besides staring at the inside of our home, alone or watching tv.

It doesn't take too much to see if there's anything we might want to do, even if we cancel. All you have to do is give it a try.