Don't Jump Topics

OK, hear me out here.

This sounds ridiculous to me. I am the worst about jumping topics. I regularly drive people crazy with my seemingly random rambling. It’s definitely worse since the stroke, of course. Here’s the thing, though: It can get even worse than that when other people do the same thing.

It may not seem fair to say “don’t jump around” when we, ourselves, are treating every new sentence like a springboard to a different idea. I know it’s confusing to keep up with, but we don’t always think in a linear manner. 

There are other reasons, too. Your point, whichever one you’re trying to make, might get totally lost in that mire of messed up thinking called Executive Dysfunction.

What the heck is executive dysfunction, you may ask? Well, it’s a problem with some types of thinking. To quote https://www.flintrehab.com/ :

“Executive functions are skills that allow us to learn new things and manage daily life activities. This can include activities like planning, organizing, and multitasking. It also includes high-level skills such as self-awareness, making decisions with good judgment, and understanding social cues.”

What I’m referring to in particular is that when you constantly change the tack of your conversation, we can get lost. Sometimes slightly lost, sometimes incredibly lost. The weird part is, we might not even realize we’re lost. I’ve found that my brain just wanders off with no regard for what I’m supposed to be listening to.

I hear some of you thinking, “But everyone daydreams! Everyone loses track of conversations! This isn’t brain injury specific!”

This is true. I’m not saying everyone is 100% tuned in all the time. We all have side excursions in our thoughts. We all have those little things we’re thinking of that have nothing to do with what someone is saying and everything to do with, say, dinner, or what I should make for dinner. “Hey, I think I’m out of ketchup. I should get that if we want to have fries tonight. Oh, wait, we have potato chips, don’t need ketchup for those, good!”

With us it can be like that, or it can be “Wow. I’m not sure where they’re going with this. Oh hey! I forgot about those flowers! They’re totally done for. I need to go get new flowers for the table.” And the next thing you know, we’re out the door to get flowers from the garden to put on the table and you’re left talking to the comics-like puff of air in our place.

That would upset anyone, I imagine. It might also make them feel under- or unvalued by the person getting the flowers. It may seem rude to you, as if the person doesn’t care about what you’re saying. It doesn’t mean any of that. 

We could also interrupt while you’re talking, more than usual, even. One of your tangents could lead to us saying, apropos of nothing, “I remember when my dog ran away when I was 7. I was so upset! My dad had to go and look for him all night. Then when he finally brought him home, he was covered in mustard and we didn’t even find out why!” Then, we might look at you like the thought was somehow connected to you talking about how your car broke down on I 97 during October when you were trying to get supplies for your Halloween party, the sequel of which you’re throwing this year, just for family, though. Anyway, you have to run because you have to buy ham on your way home.

See what I mean? By the way, the connection would be the ham, in case you were wondering.

Granted, this is all filtered through my own messed up brain that also has ADHD-like symptoms, but don’t worry. In my mind, I can see my husband nodding his head while reading this, smiling, and thinking, “that’s about right, yeah.” So I’m reasonably confident in my description.

We all have times where our thought processes don’t work well. Minds wander, sometimes farther than we really want them to. It’s not really a conversation ender for most cases. In our case, though, it could earn us The Dreaded Side-eye.

We can get a lot of those. They’re a social cue, like any other. They can make us feel crazy though, and trust me when I say, we feel crazy enough as it is.

For my own part, I do try not to get lost in conversations. I try not to get distracted during explanations. I also try not to daydream during descriptions. It’s really hard, though. Sometimes we’re talking Herculean effort, even.

Staying generally on topic can help us be more attentive to what you want us to know. When we can follow the conversation, we can keep our input a lot more related to the topic at hand. Plus, we’re more likely to stay engaged. As for how to do it, I’m not sure, particularly not at this point in my life, if I’m being honest. It likely involves planning ahead and practice, though. So, not really anything I’m not working on myself, I promise.